From Pharaoh to Free

A Passover Reflection

Tomorrow Passover Begins,

a story from my intact lineage.

a story of slavery to liberation,

bondage to deliverance,

of wounding to healing.

Tonight marks the ritual of 'Bedikat Hametz':

the search for breadcrumbs.

Traditionally, we take a candle, a feather, and a wooden spoon,

and gather ten hidden crumbs from the corners of the house.

Spiritually, we gather what’s been hiding in the corners of our hearts.

The ego, the clutter, the unresolved tensions,and prepare ourselves for freedom.

It is a ritual of purification,

of naming what no longer serves,

of speaking what needs to be cleared.

Of readying the soul for liberation.

If you don’t remember,

The story of Passover goes like this:

The Jews were enslaved in Egypt.

Moses cried out, “Let my people go.”

Pharaoh said no.Moses was exiled, (probably tripped on mushrooms) -

and talked to God through a burning bush.

God sent plagues.

Pharaoh finally let go.

The people were freed.

But before they could enter the Promised Land (modern day Israel),

They were made to wander the desert for 40 years.

Not as punishment, but as purification.

To break the mental and spiritual slavery that no chain could hold,

but which lived in the body and the soul.

...

During this time, I’m reflecting deeply

on how my mind, body, and spirit

have been enslaved to my wounds.

How those wounds, unhealed, unattended until late

have made me a pharaoh of harm

in the lands of my relationships.

I have been enslaved to my wounds,

and in that bondage, I caused you harm.

I’m also thinking about deliverance.

The deliverance I am currently in.

The ways God is guiding me, and I’m sure you too

from pain into power.

From brokenness into wholeness.

From child to grown-up.

From reactivity to response.

From dysregulation to regulationFrom night owl to morning person -

and so much more.

I am in my 40 years in the desert.

I can glimpse the Promised Land.

I can feel its warmth in so many areas of my life.

But I am not quite there yet.

I’ve been in this desert since September.

And in December, I stepped in even deeper.

If this is a forty year journey,

I feel twenty years in.

May I wander our deserts with grace.

May I break the bonds of the wounds that bound me.

May my path continue to be easeful and deep.

May manna continue to fall from the sky to feed me, as it did the Israelites.

As I walk, may we continue to spread the wealth of our knowledge and magic to the people.

May I carry the lessons from my Egypt gracefully in my heart.

My devotion, the one I’ve been living in since December is this:

To tend with love to the youngest parts of me

.The ones who never knew secure attachment to self or god.

Who reached for connection and co-regulation with desperate hands,

and in doing so, caused harm.

To bring presence to every part of me,

Creating safety, room for feeling, respect, growth and love.

To tie myself unto god fully and completely.

And trust the bigger picture that we can never see.

To trust fully the mystery that the desert has for me.